Friday, December 3, 2010


Happy Friday all!

           I know I promised a more regular blogging pattern but to be honest I haven't been up to much lately and then I lose my blogging mojo. But today I want to get a bit personal and share with you some struggles I have been dealing with lately.

Every time fall hits, heartier meals are more predominant on my table. No surprise there, right? I love soups ,stews, and meals that make you all warm inside when the weather is depressing. I also love to bake so I've been getting my bake on in the kitchie.

But lately I've been feeling more guilt. The guilt for eating cookies and chocolate over my one-cheat-meal-a-weak goal. This initial guilt spread to all my meals....

I should only have one piece of toast for breakfast...but I ate two

I should only eat whats on my plate..but I go back for a couple more spoonfuls

I shouldn't ask for anything if the hubby is going to get a treat for him...but I do anyways.

I am also looking in the mirror more often and am judging my body. This feels like the disordered eating dragon is rearing its ugly head and breathing its nasty fire. I have to stop it and not let it do anymore damage.

Here are some strategies I'm implementing to bring me back to balance...

Be prepared

I haven't been very good at bringing enough veggies for my day. As a result, I turn to the candy bowl and the guilt cycle begins. I am going to buy more staples like carrots, celery, cucumber, greens etc and make them ready the night before. I used to do this all the time but I've been slacking. I also want to buy veggies I haven't tried before or that I've avoided just to keep things interesting.

Green Smoothie for breakfast

I was doing this everyday in the summer and I loved it so much. I felt so amazing too:) I guess the fact that it's a cold breakfast isn't as appealing right now. But after touring Angela's Green Monster Movement site, I've got the itch to begin blending again:) Also we have used up all the fruit I froze from the summer so I better start getting creative with the seasonal stuff. I could also go the frozen fruit route but it gets pricey. Maybe I could alternate between the frozen and fresh?

Eat for myself

This is a big one for me. Just because the hubby, friend, mom, or blogger makes/eat ________(insert food) doesn't mean I have to make/eat it. The hubby can eat till he's blue every day and it doesn't faze him. I need to lose the mindset that if he eats something I should join him. Also, I'm surrounded by so many amazing eats from bloggers. I need to learn when to make their recipes that suits ME.  It's almost like I have purposely been disconnecting from the body in order to satisfy the ego. Sorry are going to the back of the class!!

Love myself more

I beat myself up too much. It's sad, but true. I should be grateful for a fully functioning body, instead I focus on it's flaws. In the last couple of weeks something that keeps entering my thoughts is meditation. So, I've decided to start out my mornings with a small meditation so that I can set the tone for the rest of the day.I'm going  to start using Gabrielle's meditation podcasts for now. I'm really excited to include this in my morning ritual.

Enjoy my food

 Every day the kitchen is a blank slate and I have the power to make anything I want. I don't want this place to become "the regret zone". I want this place to portray excitement, deliciousness, and endless possibilities.  I love food, that's never going to change! I just need to figure out a balance. I want to bake my cookies, and eat some too!! Also, I need to make healthy food that I LOVE. For some reason I've been straying from this basic concept and this could be part of the reason why the candy bowl is so tempting.  This is a biggie and probably a life long quest.

So all you food bloggers, how do you keep the balance?

With the holiday season upon us, there are dinner parties and treats on every turn. This year I've decided to respect myself and my body. I am still going to have a rum ball, or two, but I won't have them everyday and nor will I beat myself up for it. I want to enjoy the holidays and remember the laughs,embarrassing moments, and love. Isn't that what it's all about anyways? Oh ya, and winning the contest of who has watched National Lampoon's Christmas vacation the most:) Mele Kalikimaka !!! Have a great weekend:)


Kris | said...

Awww, girl this amazing the realizations you have had within yourself!

I love that you are open and can see where you know you need to alter and adjust the beautiful life you have :)

you are gorgeous and such an inspiration!


Lori said...

Ego aside, you're awesome! And I think we could all do some good and get rid of our ego (as much as possible)... easier said than done but still.
But good for you for trying to live for you (not someone else, not other bloggers, not just your ego). Eat that rum ball! And pass me one, too. ;)

Balance for me is exercise. I eat right most of the time and exercise so I have given myself free range to eat whatever the hell I want (within reason). And I feel WAY better about not holding eating "standards" so high.

Happy Friday!

bitt said...

I feel for you! But I also worry for you that you are hard on yourself. It's OK to indulge a bit. Focus on how you feel after your eat certain things rather than what you SHOULD or SHOULDN'T eat. That helps me a lot. Then the rules are about what makes me feel good, not some fat content or portion amount rule from the outside.

I love your idea about having green smoothies and veggies. I find if I eat the good stuff first, i have less room for the less healthy. Sometimes, like tonight, I find myself reaching for more chocolate than I want and think "Ok maybe I am hungry, let me make this a real meal instead of constant munching" and then reach for an apple with almond butter instead of the 3rd chocolate piece. I am in no way perfect but I am a lot more mentally healthy mentally about it than I used to be.

You are right that every body is different. Different bloggers make things for different reasons and some do or don't eat what they make. Just take what works for you and leave the rest.

I really appreciate your honesty. Hugs to you!

HiHoRosie said...

Hey, I'd like to know anyone's secret for mastering these things! ha ha! You're not alone my dear. I like what Bitt had to say and agree. You also have great intentions. I heart you Melissa! Now to get caught up on your blog...but I might go to bed then finishing getting caught up. ;)

Melissa said...

Hey Kris - I just looked over the post again this morning and I love that I wrote it. I feel empowered by it! Thank you for writing your post on guilt too..loved it:)

Hey Lori - Thanks are too sweet!I LOVE your take on life. I need to give myself some more wiggle room for sure:)

Hey Aimee - You are right...I am too hard on myself, always have been. It's time for that to change and for love to replace the constant criticism. I love how in tune you are..and I need to listen to my body more I think.

Hey Heidi - HAHA...yes I have lots to learn about this balance thing. Thank you for your kind words, you rock:)

Nelly said...

i have been feeling the same...and i am the same...

john can eat a truckload of crap and not gain an ounce...i gained SOOO much weight as a vegan...and it's been a struggle trying to get it off...but...i'm getting there very slowly...

we are SO hard on ourselves...and you are such a BEAUTIFUL girl...don't ever ever forget that...sometimes it's ok to indulge especially if your body is asking for know? don't deprive...and who doesn't go back for seconds? we are all guilty of it.

how i wish we were remind me so much of so much! we could really help each other out...

love you girlie!


Laury @The FitnessDish said...

I think you are wonderful..thank you for being so open and honest! I agree, it is tough once the weather gets colder to at as healthy as you did in the warmer climate. I want to grab for more comfort foods (cookies and brownies included in that)...I don't deprive myself, and I just try and get a good start to the day! I can't do cold smoothies in the winter, they are just too chilling! I can do wheat grass shots, and juice (since it's more room temp)--when I start my day with that I usually make better choices! Don't be so hard on yourself though....

Melissa said...

Hey Nelly - Wow..I'm glad I'm not alone:) I am too hard on myself for sure..I'm seeing that from writing on here. Which is a great thing!! I totally wish we were neighbors too...oh how much fun would that be:)I'm happy that you are getting healthier every day..that's awesome!!

Hey Laury - Thanks doll!! It totally is true that the colder (usually raw foods) get pushed to the side and other denser foods get replaced with it. I just need to learn balance..and yes, getting a good start to the day is key!

griffen said...

oh my this was the best post i've read in along time. i feel like you said everything that was on my mind.. =)

Melissa said...

hey Griffen - Thanks for the post love. I'm glad I'm on not the only one:)