Confessions

Happy Friday all!

           I know I promised a more regular blogging pattern but to be honest I haven't been up to much lately and then I lose my blogging mojo. But today I want to get a bit personal and share with you some struggles I have been dealing with lately.

Every time fall hits, heartier meals are more predominant on my table. No surprise there, right? I love soups ,stews, and meals that make you all warm inside when the weather is depressing. I also love to bake so I've been getting my bake on in the kitchie.

But lately I've been feeling more guilt. The guilt for eating cookies and chocolate over my one-cheat-meal-a-weak goal. This initial guilt spread to all my meals....

I should only have one piece of toast for breakfast...but I ate two

I should only eat whats on my plate..but I go back for a couple more spoonfuls

I shouldn't ask for anything if the hubby is going to get a treat for him...but I do anyways.

I am also looking in the mirror more often and am judging my body. This feels like the disordered eating dragon is rearing its ugly head and breathing its nasty fire. I have to stop it and not let it do anymore damage.

Here are some strategies I'm implementing to bring me back to balance...

Be prepared

I haven't been very good at bringing enough veggies for my day. As a result, I turn to the candy bowl and the guilt cycle begins. I am going to buy more staples like carrots, celery, cucumber, greens etc and make them ready the night before. I used to do this all the time but I've been slacking. I also want to buy veggies I haven't tried before or that I've avoided just to keep things interesting.

Green Smoothie for breakfast

I was doing this everyday in the summer and I loved it so much. I felt so amazing too:) I guess the fact that it's a cold breakfast isn't as appealing right now. But after touring Angela's Green Monster Movement site, I've got the itch to begin blending again:) Also we have used up all the fruit I froze from the summer so I better start getting creative with the seasonal stuff. I could also go the frozen fruit route but it gets pricey. Maybe I could alternate between the frozen and fresh?

Eat for myself

This is a big one for me. Just because the hubby, friend, mom, or blogger makes/eat ________(insert food) doesn't mean I have to make/eat it. The hubby can eat till he's blue every day and it doesn't faze him. I need to lose the mindset that if he eats something I should join him. Also, I'm surrounded by so many amazing eats from bloggers. I need to learn when to make their recipes that suits ME.  It's almost like I have purposely been disconnecting from the body in order to satisfy the ego. Sorry ego...you are going to the back of the class!!

Love myself more

I beat myself up too much. It's sad, but true. I should be grateful for a fully functioning body, instead I focus on it's flaws. In the last couple of weeks something that keeps entering my thoughts is meditation. So, I've decided to start out my mornings with a small meditation so that I can set the tone for the rest of the day.I'm going  to start using Gabrielle's meditation podcasts for now. I'm really excited to include this in my morning ritual.

Enjoy my food

 Every day the kitchen is a blank slate and I have the power to make anything I want. I don't want this place to become "the regret zone". I want this place to portray excitement, deliciousness, and endless possibilities.  I love food, that's never going to change! I just need to figure out a balance. I want to bake my cookies, and eat some too!! Also, I need to make healthy food that I LOVE. For some reason I've been straying from this basic concept and this could be part of the reason why the candy bowl is so tempting.  This is a biggie and probably a life long quest.

So all you food bloggers, how do you keep the balance?

With the holiday season upon us, there are dinner parties and treats on every turn. This year I've decided to respect myself and my body. I am still going to have a rum ball, or two, but I won't have them everyday and nor will I beat myself up for it. I want to enjoy the holidays and remember the laughs,embarrassing moments, and love. Isn't that what it's all about anyways? Oh ya, and winning the contest of who has watched National Lampoon's Christmas vacation the most:) Mele Kalikimaka !!! Have a great weekend:)